From the Los Angeles
Times -- By Caitlin Liu, Times Staff Writer
From the moment their
eyes met at a bar, Jeff was smitten.
The svelte and darkly
stylish woman with dyed red hair and a tattoo on her
lower back "was everything I looked for in a
girl," sighed Jeff, a 28-year-old animation
producer. "I'm into Goth chicks."
But the West Los
Angeles man soon found out something that hit him
like a cold shower.
"She lived in
Glendale! That killed it — totally, absolutely
killed it for me," said Jeff. "It's so far
away … I hate sitting in traffic."
Of all the terrible
consequences of traffic congestion, here's one more
to ponder, singles and couples alike: Car-choked
streets and freeways can be hazardous to your love
life.
Jeff's tattooed beauty
lives just 20 miles away, but in sprawling Los
Angeles and other large cities, smart drivers have
come to realize that true distance is no longer
measured in miles, but in the time it takes to get
somewhere. And as congestion worsens, so grows the
distance between potential lovers and mates.
A generation ago,
singles were reluctant to date someone across state
lines.
These days, many
urbanites like Jeff — who asked that his last
name not be used — label as "geographically
undesirable," or "GU," anyone who
lives across town, no matter how attractive the
candidate.
Absence doesn't always
make the heart grow fonder.
"You don't want
to meet people at the other side of the city,"
said Sonya Grigoruk, a 34-year-old publicist in
Beverly Hills, recalling a former love interest who
lived in Sherman Oaks. "It was only seven miles,
but it was a barrier … the traffic's too much."
Even those who do hook
up say their local romance is often saddled with the
same pitfalls as a long-distance affair, because the
required travel time either forces an awkward
overnight stay before the relationship is ready for
it, or allows face time only on weekends.
Is it any wonder then
that so many Angelenos can't find a mate?
Nationwide, 30.3% of
males older than 15 have never married, according to
the 2000 census. But in Los Angeles, 37.9% of the
guys are stuck in bachelorhood. For women across the
country, 24.1% of those older than 15 have never
married. In Los Angeles, 30.5% are single.
Behind the statistics,
other factors are surely at play. Maybe Angelenos are
just picky. But cohabiting or married couples say
they, too, are suffering the toll of congestion. How
can a long, numbing, energy-sapping commute put
anyone in the mood for love?
"Traffic has a
negative psychological as well as a physiological
effect on the brain," said Anaheim psychologist
Greg Cynaumon, author of the book, "Married but
Feeling Alone." "It lowers the sex drive
and decreases performance."
Experts say they are
not aware of any direct research on how congestion
affects amorous feelings. But studies suggest that
chronic high stress can lead to high levels of the
hormone cortisol.
"If being stuck
in traffic causes a surge in cortisol, that might be
enough to suppress testosterone," said Lynn
White, associate professor of psychology at Southern
Utah University, who teaches a course on stress.
Testosterone
deficiency, she added, is associated with low libido
in women as well as men.
A more likely malaise
afflicting those stewing in traffic, experts say, is
fatigue, which can also deflate passionate desires.
Consider how much more time urban dwellers spend in
traffic.
In 1982, residents of
the nation's largest metropolitan areas, on average,
spent an extra 10 hours on the road because of
congestion, according to the Texas Transportation
Institute. These days, a person in America's most
populated areas loses more than 30 hours a year to
congestion.
In the Los Angeles
metropolitan region — the most traffic-choked in
the country — traffic delays consumed an
additional 19 hours of an average resident's year in
1982. Nowadays, congestion costs every Southlander
more than 50 hours a year.
The increased traffic
has caused the rush hour in the largest metropolitan
areas to spread — to nearly eight hours a day.
To steer clear of
congestion, many commuters now must leave home
earlier in the day or stay at work later, leaving
little time for social interactions and building
relationships.
"Once you
commute, you can never have dinner with your spouse
again," said Eric Larsen, 40, a corporate
consultant in El Segundo, whose 30-mile drive home to
Rosemead can take up to two hours. "You don't
see each other as much."
Even in their free
time, Larsen said, he and his wife Suzana are
sometimes reluctant to go out. "You just want to
avoid traffic, which is kind of sad," he said.
Research shows that a
key to enhancing long-term relationships is to engage
in novel, challenging and exciting activities away
from home, said Arthur Aron, professor of psychology
at State University of New York at Stonybrook and co-author
of the book "Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy."
A major relationship-killer
is not conflict, Aron said, but boredom — which
can happen when couples don't get out of the house
enough.
Traffic can dampen
romance in other ways. Dates seem less than gallant
when they show up late. And so much for spontaneity
— or the perfectly planned evening.
On a recent Friday
night, Terry Tanael, a 38-year-old Brentwood
restaurant consultant, tried to take his girlfriend
out to a fancy dinner and theater downtown. But by
the time they arrived — two hours after they had
left the Westside -- they had missed their restaurant
reservation. There was no time to eat. Not even fast
food.
"It was
frustrating, stressful," he said. "It went
from a romantic dinner and a play … to running
from a parking lot to a play."
Of course,
heartwarming tales of true loves that overcome
distance and other barriers do occasionally surface.
But odds are,
relationship experts say, cupid's arrow doesn't
travel very far.
"Proximity is one
of the best predictors of a relationship working,"
said Shelly Gable, assistant professor of psychology
at UCLA. "We're attracted to things we find
rewarding. To the extent that driving in your car is
unpleasant … that detracts from our attraction
to whomever we're seeing far away."
For lonely hearts, the
increasing traffic also means fewer opportunities for
meeting others.
"Dating in L.A.'s
really hard," said Joy Quamrud, 40, a jeweler.
"You're in your own little world. You're all
alone in your car."
